It’s my birthday today, and you know who doesn’t care? The animals. All these years and I have yet to hear them say, “You know you’ve worked hard this past year for us. We’ll take care of ourselves today.” They are actually quite demanding. I’m expected at the barn at least twice a day even when I’m sick with the flu. There’s a growing trend of etiquette classes being advertised for children in our area. Somehow farm animals have been overlooked. I don’t let my children act like animals, so why do I let our farm animals off the hook. All of them are incredibly spoiled and are expected to do very little for themselves. It’s very simple, yet the chickens won’t close the door of their coop at night. I have to do that. Our horse won’t brush his own hair. I even have to pay a farrier to come every 6 weeks to take off his shoes. Our cows moo while chewing with their mouths full of cud. The goats could use a lesson on putting others before themselves, as they don’t share alfalfa well with the sheep. It’s outright gross when the cat doesn’t throw his leftover mouse parts in the garbage. Our dog needs a lesson in not taking what’s not his as he once chewed up a visitor’s cowboy boot left out on the porch. My daughter’s hermit crabs won’t come out to greet visitors. And the sheep won’t stop baaing when I’m trying to think. And, they all rudely ignore me when I scold them for not caring about their poor manners. Their stockings will not be filled this year with treats. Instead, they’ll each get a copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette.