{"id":729,"date":"2015-01-14T05:24:18","date_gmt":"2015-01-14T05:24:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/franchlife.com\/?p=729"},"modified":"2015-01-16T14:35:32","modified_gmt":"2015-01-16T14:35:32","slug":"its-all-about-the-breast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/?p=729","title":{"rendered":"It’s All About the Breast"},"content":{"rendered":"

My face was only inches from the vent of a chicken. \u00a0I realized I was breathing through my mouth and tightly closed my lips. \u00a0You see, everything that comes out of a chicken comes out of its vent. \u00a0I certainly don\u2019t mind seeing an egg suddenly appear up close \u2013 I like eggs. \u00a0But, most of the time, it isn\u2019t an egg. \u00a0So, it was difficult to keep my attention on the judge as I kept glancing\u00a0at the vent for a\u00a0warning sign that the dreaded was about to happen. \u00a0My eldest daughter was beside me skillfully handling her meat chicken with a confident smile and with her eyes fixed on the judge. \u00a0My poor friend was on the other side of her. \u00a0I felt a twinge of guilt that we had left out some details (namely that chicken poop may be squirted on her face) when she agreed to help my daughter show a pen of three chickens at the county poultry show. \u00a0As the judge came our way, the three of us had moved our chickens from their resting position like a football under our arm. \u00a0We were now holding the chickens upside-down by their legs with their breasts exposed and readied for the judge\u2019s hands\u00a0– hands which\u00a0are trained to judge the quality of the chicken by the size and dimensions and tapering of its breasts. \u00a0He even has a college degree to prove it. \u00a0We all obey his instructions as he moves us around the arena ordering each pen of chickens and the children holding them from last to best. \u00a0Six weeks ago these chickens were a day old and now they are nearly 10 pounds. \u00a0The arena is packed with children competing for a belt buckle and a higher rank in the upcoming livestock auction where local companies bid on all the livestock shown at the competition. \u00a0Our children save whatever they win at livestock shows for college savings. \u00a0So, our final location in the arena can mean the difference between being able to fund the cost of a semester\u2019s worth of books and funding an entire semester of classes. \u00a0I scan the arena wondering who knows the secrets to growing the meatiest chicken breast this year. \u00a0Every person who has ever shown chickens has opinions on what gets you in the top ten of any poultry show. \u00a0Last year, it was whispered in our ear to mix chicken feed with melted lard as we neared the show. \u00a0I chuckle softly remembering how embarrassing it was to fill a cart full of tubs of lard at the local grocery store. \u00a0We took every last tub from the bottom shelf of the baking aisle\u00a0that day. \u00a0We figured that it wasn\u2019t a high-selling item and we were doing a service to others in our community forcing them to make healthier eating choices for a while if there wasn\u2019t any lard left in town to cook with (it’s likely there aren’t truckloads of lard\u00a0replenishing their supply on a daily basis). \u00a0Well, the lard may have worked – a 10th<\/sup> place ribbon hangs in our barn from last year\u2019s show. \u00a0A previous champion mentioned to us that red sprinkles in their feed encourage chickens to eat. \u00a0Chickens are attracted to red, I learned. \u00a0So, this year, we covered our feed in red sprinkles. \u00a0I had decided to do a big online order of red sugar sprinkles. \u00a0That way, I didn\u2019t have to explain to a store clerk why my basket was filled with a few dozen red sprinkles. \u00a0The judge finally seemed satisfied with how he ordered us and reached for the microphone. \u00a0The audience quieted to listen to his reasoning which was basically \u201cthese breasts are bigger than those.\u201d \u00a0The ribbons were handed out. \u00a0Our children\u2019s chickens’ breasts were seventh. \u00a0Our children were happy to have improved in the standings this year. \u00a0We still have yet to learn the secret to earning the buckle though. \u00a0Our children already started talking about next year so I know I’ll be spending more time near the vent of a chicken in the future. \u00a0Thankfully, the\u00a0friend who helped is still my friend. \u00a0And as a thank you, some prized chicken breasts will soon be delivered to her freezer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My face was only inches from the vent of a chicken. \u00a0I realized I was breathing through my mouth and tightly closed my lips. \u00a0You see, everything that comes out of a chicken comes out of its vent. \u00a0I certainly don\u2019t mind seeing an egg suddenly appear up close \u2013 I like eggs. \u00a0But, most […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-729","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","post-preview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/729","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=729"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/729\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":750,"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/729\/revisions\/750"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=729"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=729"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/franchlife.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=729"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}